Last night I was ruminating while I was brushing my teeth. I was thinking about rumbles, my own near death experience and all I felt during that. I havenít told anyone my near death experience because, at the time, I thought it was just a very vivid dream. Also, this was a very deep personal thing. Who could I talk with about this, at that time? who would understand? Who would, without patting me on the head, saying there there and basically run me down? Who could I trust with my deep feelings? Who would KNOW? At the time, I felt more alone after the near death experience. So, I fell into a depression for many months afterward. The near death experience I hadÖ is similar to others, that tunnel of light. Iíll back upÖ I just had my first back surgery, I remember being turned a couple of times in the sandwich bed, feeling fairly comfortable. I thought I was healing just fine after the surgery for scoliosis. Though, I could feel the new herrington rods in my back. I remember my next bed mate, an older woman, who also had the same surgery. She was very angry, and going through the grief stages. Losing mobility is traumatic for some. Then after that, things went wrong for me. I guess the student doctor thought I was not healing normally, or fast enough. So I was given a drug that was supposed to speed up my healing. It was in the I V drip I was receiving. I remember feeling like I was dying. You just know. I even told my Mom that Iím dying. I was drowning from the fully open I V drip. The bag was supposed to last like eight hours, but this emptied in 20 minutes. I was wheeled into ICU and someone smart put a catheter in me so I could urinate, which I desperately needed but was unaware of. When the catheter went in, I thought to myself, now I can start to heal. I then went into a coma. I had what I thought was a vivid dream of going down a tunnel of light. At the end of this tunnel is Home, or heaven to some. I could feel I was returning. I felt safe, whole, blissful, at peace. Though, I didnít make it all the way. I came to a fork in the tunnel. One was to return to life as I knew it or to return Home. At the time, this choice confused me. I guess before, my soul would have a direct route Home. So, I returned. I donít know how long I was in the coma, a week, 11 weeks. But to me, because I nearly made it Home, the time was always now. So, I thought it was only yesterday that I shared that room with the older lady. Boy, was I surprised how much time went by. It was difficult to have to return, after experiencing pure love. That was in 1986. I wouldnít call that a life altering event, because at the time, I just didnít know. And who could I tell? I guess Iím sharing this now, because of Rumbles. While I was brushing my teeth tonight, ah last night, I received this idea as a new painting to do. It is of Rumbles waiting for me at Home. Iíve ďattachedĒ this rough drawing as a start to this new painting. I always knew, that she and all my other animal friends I knew from this lifetime and all past lives, will be waiting for me when I return Home. Of course, so will all family and friends I knew. It will be quite a party. Words fall short of feelings. All we can do is try our best to express what we feel at anytime. Yes, I miss Rumbles very much, but grief is a gift to be opened gradually. We go at our own pace, hand in hand and foot in foot with the dear Creator. I guess this image is a merging of my pace with the Creatorís pace. I donít think Iíve accepted Rumblesí departure yet, but Iím learning to trust that inner Self. Iíve read and figured out that the Creator isnít outside of us, ďout there somewhere, sitting on a cloudĒ, but inside us. I guess Rumblesí departure, prompted me to do a search, really for my higher Self, the Creator inside. This is what Iím coming to accept. I guess when I learn to trust this higher Self, I will then accept Rumblesí departure. When Rumbles departed, I was completely shattered. How do you pick up the pieces? Nothing to hold onto. Just precious memories, artwork, and photographs remain. Nowhere to go but up. Leave the pieces where they are, but keep the memories. Of course, it doesnít do to stay in the past. Staying connected to the Now moment is a daily challenge, even a challenge moment by moment. Iím getting there! Take one breath. Draw one line. Move one step. Do one thing if thatís all I can do. Hugs to everyone.