Wandering

hello everyone,

many of my friends and acquaintances all sent me the same call for artists to display during an exhibit at the pendulum gallery in vancouver. i am grateful for this attention. it is so nice to be thought of, in this way. i've resisted this exhibit because i don't feel I'm quite yet "professional". also, i'm not yet "finished" my grief for rumbles my precious cat friend. even though it is two years since she departed, i still sometimes cry for her. it's one reason why i didn't do anything in 2013. last year, i started again to exhibit, at least at home. when rumbles departed, i was shattered, i also had a sort of loss of confidence at the same time. i thought, what can i paint now, where do i paint from, who is my source, lots and iots of self doubt. am i still an artist? am i still an artist, without my darling muse? where do i go for my inspiration? who is my inspiration? all these and other self doubt; and what ifs kept coming, unwelcomed, in my mind during the last two years. also, during the last two years, i've started going within more. i feel i've scratched the surface of the awareness of going within. i lost my fear of dying because i already did, just after my first surgery. i almost made it, Home to Heaven. but i came to a fork in the path and that confused me and i came back here. this is all very personal. i still have a hard time putting words to my experience. i still get dis respected; i'm not sure why. sorry that i'm off my track of the call for artists…! the call for artists deals with happiness and the pressure to be happy. i think the exhibit would be great to be a part of, because i can say i''ve "been there". how to relate to other people can be a challenge, especially finding the right words to match the experience. i'm not sure why i'm resisting this exhibit. i guess i will visit it this fall, to view what the jury decided. i am still improving my skill as a visual artist. i will continue to post my works to show my progress as an artist. if you're on Facebook, you're welcome to visit and view my fan page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/AJ-Brown-Hands-and-Purrs/84194221410 oh, it's called a like page now… i am also on twitter and instagram. for both of these, i am: artbyajb. i feel that even if i'm not yet "professional", it's all a process and what i produce is still art for purchase. i would like to thank all my friends for letting me know of this show. please keep me informed of other shows i might miss… hugs to all :)